Little Russian prince

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thelittleprince

The most gorgeous little boy came into my workplace today. I was talking to his mother when a blur of blonde swished past her hips; my view was blocked at first by the high counter behind which I stood, but when I brought the catalogue of Christening cakes to her table later, I couldn’t help but take a good look at what I knew would be a child cherubic enough to send Raphael into a frenzy of Sistine proportions.

And he was: his perfectly round little head, platinum under the sun just then, was now strawberry blonde verging on faux ginger as he sat where the light did not reach. Add to that a chubby buttermilk face that was freckle-free and spotless, fresh and soft the way all baby skin are, and add also his impossibly light, fairy-like golden lashes and you almost have the whole picture. Almost; but oh his eyes! Continue reading

Ciabatta try these puns, hun!

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Baker-with-Bread

Preface

This batch of freshly baked puns is for anyone who’s ever inflicted a dad joke on me; happy Father’s Day you man-sized child!

 

Avid aesthete: [gazes at bright-eyed, raven-haired beauty] Look at her; she’s so damn beautiful. I must shoot her—I need to shoot her!

Companion: [is visibly shocked] Shoot her?! You mean like kill her???  Continue reading

Litbaits: click and ye shall find!

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the lion the witch and the wardrobe

  • Children Disappear Into Wardrobe, Emerge With Tale Of Talking Jesus Lion 
  • Criminals Hate Him! Crackhead Detective Can’t Stop Solving Crimes 
  • Hot Russian Woman Cheats On Husband, Gets SMASHED By Train 
  • Egomaniac Boss Ignores Extensive Warnings About No Good March Day, Brutally Stabbed To Death By Right-hand Man 
  • American Girl Abroad Too Flirty For Her Own Good, Dies 
  • Sex Maniac Father Obsessed With 12-Year-Old Stepdaughter: You Won’t Believe What He Did To Her! 
  • Scientists Are Baffled! Virgin Gives Birth To Miracle Baby; Who’s The Father?! 
  • Old And Ugly As Sin: You Won’t Recognise Dorian Gray In His Last Selfie 
  • They Locked Him In A Cupboard Under The Stairs, Who He Turned Out To Be Is His Best Revenge 
  • Meet The Shady Mogul Who Throws Extravagant Parties To Lure “Love Of His Life”—What He Said To Her Will Shock You! 
  • She Tried To Kill Herself, Doctors Fried Her Brains! 

* With reverent apologies to: C. S. Lewis; Sir Arthur Conan Doyle; Leo Tolstoy; William Shakespeare; Henry James; Vladimir Nabokov; Oscar Wilde; J. K. Rowling; F. Scott Fitzgerald; Sylvia Plath. 

In defence of art

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Architects design buildings, which are then built and maintained by builders, plumbers, and electricians. These buildings provide necessary living and working spaces for residents and professionals who, in turn, contribute to their society and economy. Politicians govern, lawyers defend, doctors save lives, businesses of all shapes and sizes provide essential goods and services. Scientists, physicists, engineers, and astronomers brought humanity to the moon. The world as we know it will not cease to exist without art and its practitioners but without moonage daydreamers, boy wizards, star-crossed lovers and those whose passion or profession it is to observe, think, analyse, and create, Earth is merely that which orbits the Sun, a celestial body where the passage of time is marked by births, deaths, and unexamined lives.

So here’s to poems about nature and beauty, songs about love, books that changed the world, and paintings that bewitch with their illusions of light and movement; here’s to films that enchant and inspire, to great teachers and their scholars, to thinkers, poets, writers, artists, composers, musicians, directors—to anyone who immortalised their human experience in art form.

Sorry

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book-flatlay

‘Sorry,’ I said to the cashier at the art store because I took too long to grab my bags, of which I was carrying four. And I was sorry. ‘Sorry,’ I said again on my way out, because the shop was crowded with shelves and people and I was carrying one too many bags. I did not bump into anyone or knock anything off but still I was sorry for the time and space I took when exiting. And I was sorry many times before then because the aisles were narrow and I had to get through or somebody else had to get through, either way I was sorry I troubled the other shoppers. I went to a thrift shop next and I was sorry there too, sorry for the fact that the shirt I tried on did not suit me, sorry that I did not make a purchase and they have to put it back. ‘Sorry, that’s okay, thank you so much,’ I managed, this time at the music store, because the clerk could not locate the vinyl I wanted. I was sorry that he tried for me and wasted his time when he could be doing something else. Then I was sorry I was sorry because I had started to feel real bad for myself, because the only reason I kept apologising was this—this idea that I was unworthy of their services, someone who did not deserve their products or anything for that matter. And Uber—the convenience of it all and the patience of that particular driver—had me sorry too, four times if I remember it correctly: twice for having too many bags and twice more for being confused as to where he was parked; and he did not know this but I was sorry for seating at the back too, I would have ridden shot gun had I fewer bags to carry but he probably thought I was protecting myself from him. I was sorriest when I got home and looked at all that I had bought because I thought I did not deserve them. But later that night when I was well-rested and the boulder of existence lifted from my chest new copies of Hemingway, Pushkin and Yeats were read and felt and understood and I was not sorry anymore, I was soaring.

On plurality, a symptom of the human condition

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We are nothing if not plural, in our daily dalliances with plural others who, just like us, adjust their persona to suit different situations, places, and peoples.

We are nothing if not plural, when we say one thing yet behave otherwise; we attempt to reduce ourselves to absolutes in the hopes that by conveying a singular self to another they’d understand our ‘true’ selves but how could they, when we are all complex and contradictory beings struggling to make sense of ourselves, of which there are many?

We are nothing if not plural, yesterday today and tomorrow, for people change and no-one goes from birth to death unmarked by life, by others, by themselves.

We are plural, you and I, so let us not confine ourselves to forced categories and false pretences out of fear of not being understood. Let us run free and admit that we are nothing but inconstant, temperamental: multiple versions of a work in progress until we expire.

DIY or die 

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She wanted to eat the world for it was right in front of her eyes, on a platter, blue and ready to be consumed. But she had neither fork nor knife—not even a toothpick was in sight! She looked at her hands, at the other people sitting alone at their individual tables eating their share of the world with forks, knives, chopsticks and whatnot, realised there were no spare utensils lying around and certainly no servers from whom utensils could be acquired, and decided to eat it by hand. Hungry and eager to have what everyone else was having, she tried to lift the heavy watery globe with her hands. Continue reading

A letter to my suicidal 15-year-old self 

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Dear 15-year-old me,

I know all you can think about right now is the major science project that’s due soon. You’ve always been an exceptional student—every report card confirms your status as a ‘high achiever’ of scores, firsts, and awards—and you intend to keep things that way. Maintaining a perfect academic record means everything to you, and it doesn’t help that you’re every teacher’s pet. Later, you’ll realise that every mark and praise you worked long and hard to receive was a means to fill the gaping hole where a secure sense of self-worth should be, and isn’t Continue reading

Unwritten

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JAPAN-US-ENTERTAINMENT-CINEMA-GODZILLA

Sitting at the corner of my mind is a sprawling metropolis of abandoned ideas and incomplete drafts, all of them feverishly conceived. Some are penned in haste and barely legible, others the result of fingers tap dancing on screen. Continue reading