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the lion the witch and the wardrobe

  • Children Disappear Into Wardrobe, Emerge With Tale Of Talking Jesus Lion 
  • Criminals Hate Him! Crackhead Detective Can’t Stop Solving Crimes 
  • Hot Russian Woman Cheats On Husband, Gets SMASHED By Train 
  • Egomaniac Boss Ignores Extensive Warnings About No Good March Day, Brutally Stabbed To Death By Right-hand Man 
  • American Girl Abroad Too Flirty For Her Own Good, Dies 
  • Sex Maniac Father Obsessed With 12-Year-Old Stepdaughter: You Won’t Believe What He Did To Her! 
  • Scientists Are Baffled! Virgin Gives Birth To Miracle Baby; Who’s The Father?! 
  • Old And Ugly As Sin: You Won’t Recognise Dorian Gray In His Last Selfie 
  • They Locked Him In A Cupboard Under The Stairs, Who He Turned Out To Be Is His Best Revenge 
  • Meet The Shady Mogul Who Throws Extravagant Parties To Lure “Love Of His Life”—What He Said To Her Will Shock You! 
  • She Tried To Kill Herself, Doctors Fried Her Brains! 

* With reverent apologies to: C. S. Lewis; Sir Arthur Conan Doyle; Leo Tolstoy; William Shakespeare; Henry James; Vladimir Nabokov; Oscar Wilde; J. K. Rowling; F. Scott Fitzgerald; Sylvia Plath.