• Children Disappear Into Wardrobe, Emerge With Tale Of Talking Jesus Lion →
• Criminals Hate Him! Crackhead Detective Can’t Stop Solving Crimes →
• Hot Russian Woman Cheats On Husband, Gets SMASHED By Train →
• Egomaniac Boss Ignores Extensive Warnings About No Good March Day, Brutally Stabbed To Death By Right-hand Man →
• American Girl Abroad Too Flirty For Her Own Good, Dies →
• Sex Maniac Father Obsessed With 12-Year-Old Stepdaughter: You Won’t Believe What He Did To Her! →
• Scientists Are Baffled! Virgin Gives Birth To Miracle Baby; Who’s The Father?! →
• Old And Ugly As Sin: You Won’t Recognise Dorian Gray In His Last Selfie →
• They Locked Him In A Cupboard Under The Stairs, Who He Turned Out To Be Is His Best Revenge →
• Meet The Shady Mogul Who Throws Extravagant Parties To Lure “Love Of His Life”—What He Said To Her Will Shock You! →
• She Tried To Kill Herself, Doctors Fried Her Brains! →

* With reverent apologies to: C. S. Lewis; Sir Arthur Conan Doyle; Leo Tolstoy; William Shakespeare; Henry James; Vladimir Nabokov; Oscar Wilde; J. K. Rowling; F. Scott Fitzgerald; Sylvia Plath.